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War of the Genders

A confrontational soapbox for rants and politically incorrect manifestos regarding feminism, chauvinism, dating and gender issues.

Wednesday, June 29, 2005

The New World Order

This is going to be a negative article about the new breeds of women brought about by modernity and feminism. I am fully aware that some good things came out of these big changes and I am not going to say that the good old days were better, but... I see lost people. I see confusion. When is the last time you met a well-adjusted, happy modern woman?

If women were allegedly lacking an identity before, feminism has not only not succeeded in providing one, in my eyes it has affected the opposite result. Feminism has discarded and derided women's old identities of home-makers, wives and mothers and thrown modern woman into a man's world with male values armed only with questions, new multiple choices, and anger.

The results: numerous adoptions of incompatible lifestyles, confusion, clashing desires and goals, depressions, some ephemeral happiness brought about by the new toys women now have to play with, abuse of new powers which they have not learned responsibility for, out-of-control orgies with new-found freedoms, the inability to objectify their inner turmoil and feelings and separate them from new external responsibilities, etc.

Feminism strikes me as now being in the post-teenage phase. Its days of anger and rebel-without-a-clue attitudes are slowly dying down and some maturity is creeping in, but it's still not there yet.

To be fair, feminism has many forms. Although the current 'post-feminist' movements and third-wave feminists as well as many of the topics for women studies deal with more moderate and even academic issues and aren't after the patriarchy or into pushing obnoxious agendas, the most pervasive forms of feminisms are still the annoying ones. The activism of the second wave of feminism backed mostly by various radical and gender feminists is still swinging, oppression and patriarchy are still the main banners of feminism, and I see idiotic 'girl-power' pop gynocentric femelitists everywhere. Even the original liberal/equity feminists who pushed women out of their homes and into offices were political tyrants with agendas, and they are the ones who started this whole mess.

See there are many opinions in feminism about what a woman should be and what the feminist agenda is about and many agree it's about choice. But the prominent viewpoint that obviously won out is the one that looks down at the choice of home-maker, wife and secretary and pushes women to take on previously male roles whether they are compatible or not. In other words, the popular feminist rule is a form of twisted idealistic communism, not a democracy. And even its democratic party is immature and confused and can't give answers.

And when I say answers, I mean answers to questions such as 'what will make me as a woman really happy?'. The best it can do is actively fight for more and more choices so that women can attempt to find this happiness in a man's world of sexual freedom and business.

I'm tempted to say feminism is the grand-scale equivalent of a woman cutting her hair short on a whim because she needed a change in her life, but then isn't sure whether she likes it herself and why she actually did it.

What is happening now is that women go out into the world with ideas, ambitions and choices, try a few, change their ambitions, try again, and so on, until a decade or two later (if they're lucky) they settle down with what makes them happy (which is often the polar opposite of their original ideas). Sounds like a feminist ideal right? Women can now find themselves and make their own choices (of which they have many). But when the final choices are usually the same ones they've been making 50 years ago and no matter what they are, it takes 10-20 years of adjustment and depression to get there, is that necessarily better?

Note that I'm not saying that women don't find happiness in careers, but that there are more female-oriented careers and that many women find happiness in traditional roles but are too afraid or embarrassed and are socially pressured against exploring these paths.

One famous and very relevant failed experiment is the Israeli Kibbutz. One Kibbutz goal was the absolute extermination of gender roles, exploitation and family and the incorporation of socialistic (collective commune) ideals. Children were taken care of communally, both father and mother went out to work on the farm, all roles and jobs were shared equally and the environment was as closed and self-sufficient as possible. Multiple generations passed and they found that whereas the original Kibbutz women fought to take on male roles, women born in this environment were naturally moving back to classic female roles on their own.

I'll tell you what I'd like to see. A survey done ONLY on 35+ women that feel they have reached their destination and have been happy with it for over 7 years, and the top 10 of these destinations printed out as an aid to women still searching. Also included would be their opinions on sexuality, careers, femininity, etc. Now that would be interesting.

Almost every woman I look at lately seems lost. She is looking for something, often places all her hope in love when the fun of a career quickly wears out, but doesn't know why, she tries her hand at various activities and achieves some gaiety here and there, she changes her goals and expectations yearly, but in general is... lost. This is defined as freedom.

There is survey after survey that reports women are twice or even three times more likely to be depressed than men. Searching for the causes of this phenomenon on the internet came up with these statements:

"Women have a tendency to get more depressed than men because of the stress of handling multiple social roles of employee, wife, mother, daughter." Gee, I suppose this means men never have roles of husband, father and son. Who writes this misandric nonsense? Perhaps the argument should be that women devote a lot more time and work to the role of mother, but one can argue that men devote the same extra time and work to the role of employee.

"Married women have higher rates of depression than unmarried women, but the reverse is true for men." I find this very ironic but it's easily explained if you think that women have higher expectations for the relationship after marriage.

Many researchers point to various forms of social stress and abuse on women as the cause for higher mental illnesses in women (yes the same old patriarchy argument), yet Phyllis Chester says that psychiatrists incorrectly label women much easier as put-downs or means of control. We men are always to blame either way, eh? What about empowering women by blaming them, thus giving women the power to correct their ailments instead of being dependent on the goodwill of men? If men are always to blame, the only way a woman can be healthy is by living in a lesbian commune from age 2 onwards (and indeed some feminists advocate this separatist idea). I say all of this makes women very, very weak.

But enough of this rambling. Without further ado, I present my collection of some of the more common modern female species I netted in the modern jungle:

The Closet Materialist (AKA The Carrie Bradshaw)

Trips, restaurants, bars, shoes, clothes, parties, entertainment, sex, popularity, fashion, shopping, vacations. As to meaning in her life, this woma... girl justifies it by looking for 'love'.

I've seen people admit they they're sluts, that they're losers, I've even seen the very rare person admit that they are bad in bed or lacking a sense of humor. But I've never seen anyone admit they are superficial. This is strange considering how many millions of Carries there are out there. In Sex and the City, Carrie even comes to the conclusion that Mr Big didn't want her because she is too complicated. Now that's comedy.

The Post-Feminist Functional-Submissive

There are so many self-help books for women that give advice on how to ensnare the man of their dreams by playing hard to get and following rules on letting the man do the work so that he'll feel that he's the one in control and the one doing the chasing. I and many other men I know behave the same way when up againt a woman who doesn't seem interested. We will try a couple of times, if we don't get a hint that we are wanted, we will walk away.

Feminists broke the old-fashioned concept of men chasing women and have raised everyone's awareness on how it makes women feel inferior and men into stalkers, but now they want to harness and manipulate this 'natural' drive in men, put on an act of submission and still feel superior by ensnaring their men. That's just crazy. Men are stupid but not that stupid. We know how it works nowadays and that it's not up to us to pursue anymore (unless she's well and truly shy). If a woman plays hard to get we will interpret it as 'not interested' or 'she's playing manipulative games' and we will walk away. End of story. The only men nowadays who will chase you when you put on that act are the stalkers and possessive/obsessive jerks.

The Emotional Slut

So women want to feel special in a relationship, but do they apply the same ideology to men? I've seen so many girls act all sad and lonely to get my warmth and friendship only to witness her act exactly the same with everyone else to the point of using the same hug-me (pick-up) lines and seductive body language.

I feel used and cheap. You women may not go after as many one night stands as men but you sure do have countless one-night hugs. Soon men will tire of being hug-objects and relationship-objects.

The Immaculate Fellator

Not much need to describe this one. Some modern girls are torn between having fun with their new sexual freedom and their old-fashioned instincts to make the sex special. Solution? Define oral sex as meaningless and have as much of it as possible while staying a 'virgin'.

The Politically-Correct Nazi

'Be nice!', she snarls at you with a scowl. Ever meet one of those devout Christian women that makes everyone around her miserable with fiery criticisms and strict, selfless, martyr lifestyle which she sticks in your face to make you feel bad? Well it seems these women still exist in droves only they took up the idiotic political correctness religion as their new cause.

Any possible insult to minorities and the oppressed that can be construed from your words will be stomped into your little toes. Any slightly off-colour joke will evoke intense hatred towards you for the next few months. Any hard word that may offend someone somewhere will be criticized in a memo. Etc.

This species is also often a self-righteous vegetarian (perhaps on her way to becoming a vegan) and is closely related to the Feminazis.

The Hand-Me-Down Innocent

This creature may have been naive, sweet and sexy at one time, but girls nowadays lose this very fast (or never get it in the first place). The problem is, she remembers being loved for it, she admires these characters wistfully in movies, and keeps the act going sometimes for decades even though it's long gone.

Calls herself 'little me' when she's anything but, swings her hips about even though it is now arrogance instead of sexiness, and describes herself as sweet to everyone when a really sweet woman would never grab for attention this way. A pitiable species that's grasping at straws.

Slutus Desperatus

This is a woman who both metaphorically and literally has sex for fun when what she really wants is the cuddle. She may not even realize this herself. Enough said.

The Feminazi

A common species. This creature is selfish and neurotic and has a big chip on her shoulder. She uses the banners of feminism and oppression as a righteous excuse to clobber her perceived enemies when this has all to do with her feelings and nothing to do with justice. She sees oppression and misogyny everywhere, translating her personal feelings of hatred and insecurity into so-called objective feministic issues and throws her neurotic baggage at the world, abusing the newfound power given to her as a woman.

The Fragile Career-Woman (AKA I Am Woman, Hear Me Whine)

Another common species. Dives into the hard world of business and demands to be treated like everyone else thinking herself a tough modern woman, but breaks down and cries or takes things personally when criticized and pressured even as part of normal business proceedings. These creatures always make you feel guilty at work for being so business-like and 'forgetting there's a person in there'. Men are much better at separating business from personal issues and we're used to being able to criticize people objectively at work.

Also gets insulted at debates when things get too fiery and accuses people of using bad tones of voice and insensitive words just when things are getting interesting.

The Little Red Riding Miniskirt

Once upon a time there used to be boundaries of propriety that included rules on proper behaviour for women on where they can spend nights, where they can walk, who they can talk to, etc. These rules were not only about proper behaviour, but also safety. But of course it wasn't proper to call them 'how not to get raped' rules.

Now that they're gone (because they're oppressive of course), some modern women get so confident and reckless, they stay at their male friends' places, make out with guys they hardly know, tease men in public thinking it makes them safe, and share information with strangers. What can I say, I hope these happy fun-loving girls don't learn the hard way, but they often do.

The Black Hole

This woman has learned that women have rights and deserve many things so she has a long list of demands. When asked what she has to offer the answer usually is 'me!'. If walked out on when she gives this reply, she reacts in unpleasant ways. But keep walking or you will be sucked into her powerful gravitational force.

The Hot-Air Balloon

These are creatures that parade about yelling 'Girl Power!' thinking they are some kick-ass female heroine they just saw on a Hollywood screen while leaving broken remnants of male pride behind the wake of their mini-skirt clad objects of power while blinking flirtatiously at the mechanic to change their oil and open their tightly closed jars. A silly species that won't understand what happened when something sticks a needle in their plans.

Humor aside, here's where I think our 20-something year old Feminism should go next (actively, not academically):

- Bring back respect for grandmother's lifestyles and identities as valid choices while keeping the new choices open.
- Less emphasis on selfish quests and rights, and more on responsibility and defining female morals. Women have been given new toys, what about a user manual?
- Keep exploring femininity, its compatibility with various lifestyles and its strengths/weaknesses. Focus less on more choices and more on what specifically makes women happy.
- Education on male behaviour and how to adapt to it.

Women have claimed that men are immature boys and women are the real power on the planet. I'd like to see them prove it because all I see so far are neurotic cries of 'mine!' and 'it's your fault!'.



To June:

I emphasized in the beginning that I do not think the past is better. I am not surprised that older women aren't praising traditional lifestyles. In my opinion they don't feel fulfilled due to several reasons:
1. They got little or no appreciation. This is the husbands fault.
2. Kids may be rewarding at first but then they just leave. They also often smash mothers dreams of raising greatness.
3. Mothers need something else besides motherhood for themselves. Usually studies are good, or an easy-going career/hobby suitable to their temperament and time.

But take a woman today. If she finds a good husband, keeps herself occupied on the side with whatever interests her in addition to being a full-time home-maker - I think most would find that extremely satisfactory.

But of course there are always exceptions. Women who want/need to do something different (I don't want to use the words 'bigger' and 'better'). I wish them bonne chance as well. I don't see the need to throw away dreams. Just make sure they are practical dreams that's all.

As to the reason why the previous generation didn't look favorably on traditional roles: There may be many reasons, and I'll just throw the first that come to mind:
1.The aforementioned lack of appreciation and respect for home-making, and all the glory going to career men and professors.
2. Angry feminism with new exciting ideals
3. Like you said: money and power as well as 'freedom' all became popular.
4. Typical new generation rebellion

June 30, 2005 2:12 am  

P.S. If I'm not mistaken, the one thing that bothers home-makers the most is when they suddenly find themselves divorced with no career/money. You said yourself they stress financial independence and I agree - I've seen it as well. But this isn't an argument against the satisfaction of home-making and motherhood. This is just a danger of not having a backup plan.

June 30, 2005 2:17 am  

I have to say that I agree with everything June said. I heard the exact same stories from my grandmothers and from other old women I was fortunate enough to know and grow up with. They all wanted me to study, be independent, have a career and never ever have to rely on anyone, or feel trapped in a marriage because of financial reasons - as I guess they did.

But the financial side is just one part of it and I think it isn’t the major issue. The major problem that our grandmothers had to deal with was the emotional stress of perhaps growing up as equals but not being treated as such once they got married.

Being kept in the house to clean, feed and change diapers, hardly interacting with intelligent beings, living a life to serve others and instead of a husband that helps having him act like another child that needs to be attended too, can’t be fun. Top that off with the realization that there is no way out because she forgot to prepare plan B … it isn’t hard to see why our grandmothers weren’t jumping up and down from joy.

I think that being at home all day taking care of babies, cleaning the house and cooking may have some rewards but over time (like after a day) can be very stressful, lonely, sad and emotionally depleting. I think it might be something I could do for a couple of hours a day, but to do it every day, day after day- alone - I’d rather die.

The woman shouldn’t have to be the sol “house maker” – 2 people living together should make their house together. Everybody (yes even woman) hates housework, but it isn’t as bad if it’s shared. If it isn’t shared it is not only annoying to do because of what it is, it is even more annoying because it is dumped on you. Over time this can build up to extreme frustration. Not content.

If I ever have kids my husband will be involved in the upbringing of those children no less then myself. We will share the responsibility of cleaning the dishes as well as for the situation of our bank account. If my son will want to learn bally that will be ok and if my daughter will want to play soccer we will show up to all her games. Both my husband and I will work and yes there is a wonderful invention called a babysitter. My husband will help me fulfill my dreams, as I will help him. We will be there for each other and understand each other’s needs. There are no roles. There is stuff that has to be done and thank god there are 2 component adults that can do it. And there is stuff that we both want to do and thank god there are 2 component people that can make it happen.

The way I see it, the men married to those traditional woman were never husbands. They were merely wallets. And I don’t believe they were happy.

Will I be happy? Will I be content? I don’t know. But I know for sure I will have a hell of a better chance then my grandmother ever did.

June 30, 2005 9:47 pm  

I don't understand where all these comments are coming from. My feeling is that you people are projecting male chauvinist stereotypes on me despite the fact that I emphasized over and over points contradictory to the ones you accuse me of.

I never said that women should stay at home. I never said that all women would be happy at home. I never said that a woman who would be happy at home would be happy ONLY building a home. I never said men shouldn't help. I never said that some women aren't happy with some of the new choices they have now. I never said women should throw away their dreams and ambitions. I never said that all our grandmothers were happy.

What I did say is that all these feminists are going about it the wrong way and not actually studying what makes women happy. I did say that it would be stupid to disqualify traditional roles despite the fact that so many women obviously want and enjoy those roles. I also said that throwing out typical female roles and forcing women to take on male roles assuming this will make them happy is a wild, irrational stab in the dark which obviously isn't paying off too well. And my main point is that I don't see feminism and all these changes necessarily making everything better. There are some advantages but in general it is causing more confusion than happiness.

This is what I see. If you disgaree then argue those points and tell me why you think women today are well-adjusted and happy. But if you assume I am trying to force women back into their homes and oppressing them then you are being a Feminazi.

June 30, 2005 11:00 pm  

"I'll tell you what I'd like to see. A survey done ONLY on 35+ women that feel they have reached their destination and have been happy with it for over 7 years, and the top 10 of these destinations printed out as an aid to women still searching. Also included would be their opinions on sexuality, careers, femininity, etc. Now that would be interesting."

I'm 39, and have been thoroughly happy for about a decade; most of my female friends are similar. What we all have in common is that we're all intelligent people who get satisfaction from thinking, reading and learning, and we're all married to decent men.

Sexuality? I'd say fantasize alot; it enhances whatever the man is doing, even if it's the same thing he always does.

Careers? I'd say quit deluding yourself that you'll have a career that you love; you'll likely have just a job, just like everyone else, and that's ok... do good work, collect your paycheck, and go home to your life.

Femininity? Most men DO prefer traditional girlishness/womanliness, but other than when you're trying to get a man, be yourself, without worrying if that's seen as feminine or not.

July 01, 2005 3:53 am  

Some miscellaneous thoughts and addendums after seeing all these comments:

'Affirmative Action' is the perfect symbol of what's wrong with Feminism today and backs my point that women are going about it the wrong way. So there are areas (e.g. computer programming) where women are hopelessly in the minority. Nevermind that this career obviously interests men a lot more then women. Nevermind that women have the choice and power to try this career as much as men do but don't. Feminist activists wrongly argue that it's social stereotypes and upbringing and that we have to actively employ and push women into these roles to change this state of affairs.

This proves it's about politics and power and not about making women happy. Why don't they make studies as to why computer programming doesn't interest and satisfy most women? Why don't they educate women as to what makes most women happy? And again, I must emphasize that nowhere did I say that staying at home makes women happy.

Another of my arguments is that home-making and mothering are now considered lowly roles and that women today are embarrassed to admit to wanting it. I'll take this further and say that society and education are imprinting this on girls. In a survey, less than 2% of current high school girls want to be home-makers. The extremity of this is somewhat telling in itself but even more telling is a later contradictory statement from these same girls that expect to withdraw from the workforce to raise their young children (and then return years later).

Another clue in the same survey reveals their real intentions: "We want to marry a successful, handsome man, but we want to have a choice to work or not, so in case we're on our own, we can take care of ourselves and not be dependent on anyone."

Quite selfish to say the least. But the relevant point here is that the next generation still want to raise children and make homes but can't portray these goals as such because "being unemployed is the major definition of failure in adulthood" (I wonder where that idea came from) and the main reason for wanting a career is to have money of their own, not because of any feminist goals of achieving fullfilling lives through it.

And that's all I'm trying to say here in a nutshell: That Feminism usually doesn't know what it's doing.

July 01, 2005 4:54 pm  

You'll love this post


which is called "The Curse of Feminism." :-)

July 01, 2005 5:01 pm  

Er, it's my post of 1-17-04... Blogger doesn't want to post the entire URL, apparently.


July 01, 2005 5:03 pm  

To Omni: You're right I loved it. I dealt with most of those issues previously and similarly, all except the wage difference issue. I've felt and seen some of the counter-arguments you present but without comprehensive proof to back me up I couldn't make such claims on this topic.

For example, working with women in hi-tech, I know for a fact that men are always the ones putting in crazy hours and putting in the extra mile whereas women work professionally from 9 to 5 or less. So obviously pay and promotion will differ there.

Also, I have a theory that men are more confident in asking for what they want (like salaries at interviews or naturally taking charge of teams).

July 01, 2005 5:15 pm  

To Omni

I’m a little confused. You say that you “have been thoroughly happy for about a decade” but then you share your insight about a job just being a job and in your post The Curse of Feminisem you state that it was your decesion to never have kids.
You say you “get satisfaction from thinking, reading and learning”, and being married to a decent man.
But is that really enough?


July 01, 2005 7:41 pm  

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