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War of the Genders

A confrontational soapbox for rants and politically incorrect manifestos regarding feminism, chauvinism, dating and gender issues.

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Location: Jerusalem, Israel

This isn't a dating site. If you wish to propose marriage or to beat me up, leave me a note.

Wednesday, April 06, 2005

What Women Want

So we get complaints about the 'patriarchical society' and how men control everything, but then when things turn around and men step back, women complain that men are weak-willed and not acting like men anymore.

For example, first we get complaints that men attempt to dominate by paying for dates, then we get complaints when men don't even offer to pay anymore as a gesture.

Women complain that men-only educational institutions, clubs and the like are chauvinistic and reduce women's choices, but when everything turns co-ed they protest to keep their last female-only institutions, ceremonies and recreational centers segregated.

Or more significantly: I've witnessed quite a few women who go for careers or social celebrity status only to discover they really want something completely different when they get it.

Or is this familiar? The woman cajoles you for months or years to say something you don't want to say to the purpose of: 'honesty is best'. You know in your gut that she won't take it well and that it will cause some kind of damage, but she makes promises to react nicely, and that it wont affect certain things. When you do finally give in, you regret it for the rest of your life.

Was she lying or trying to pry a secret from you with manipulative assurances? No. She just doesn't know herself and therefore can't predict her psyche and its reactions.

I can go on and on with examples on contradictory female behaviour where actions are contrary to words. Why is this so?

If you're even thinking the phrase: 'that's because women are complex' and attempting a mysterious female smile then stop right there. That act doesn't work anymore.

Perhaps women say this because they think it brings them the power and allure of mystery, or because it makes them feel special, or because they think it'll stop dominating men from thinking that they know anything about women. But I'm more inclined to believe that women think they're complex simply because they are themselves surprised or even confused by their own whims which they follow religiously.

Not that I expect this statement to be accepted as anything but chauvinistic balderdash, but that's the way things go. If there's one phrase that can sum up a lot of what I learned about genders it's that women are not as complex as they wish they were and men are a lot more varied and complex than what society has pegged them.

It's a pity most men are just too stupid to understand alien-female behaviour and drives. What trips us up a lot of the time is that we assume women know how to articulate their needs and we take them at their literal word.

Here's some valuable advice for men: Don't listen to what women say; Instead, watch carefully what they do, and how they behave and react to situations.

Currently, I have a theory that women have been brainwashed over the centuries to express their needs in a male language, and this is why everyone gets confused. All women need is to come to terms with their own differences and find their own form of expression to define their behaviour.

But after all this time, men are the only people that still manage to surprise me when it comes to new types of characters and reactions, or acting out-of-character and bringing something new to the relationship. It's tempting to say that all men want the same thing and that your experience has proven that they have a one-track mind and have the same basic ego problems, but while this may be true in certain circles, the only exceptions that I find are in exceptional men.

As an example, the other day I found a book for sale entitled "He's Just Not That Into You" that informs women to stop wasting time on men who exhibit wishy-washy behaviour when it comes to dating them. Some reviews praised the book for empowering women and helping them to stop waste their time on wishful thinking. But browsing through some pages made the trick quite obvious. I could solve all your problems with your friends and make you feel powerful too. It's simple if you take my advice: Dump your friends - if they're causing trouble or show disinterest then they're not real friends.

Men have many more reasons than just 'not being into you' and they have subtle or complex turn-off buttons that you may have pressed and could unpress, or they may have doubts or slight personality problems that you could easily get around. But society has pegged men as simple and single-minded, men don't care how they are pegged, and women feel more comfortable with that.

But back to the topic at hand... it's obvious to me that women are masquerading their whims as complexity and I usually find that once I get to know a specific woman well, I know what she wants better than she does. This isn't arrogance or chauvinism, it's a fact women have taught me through years of training and I prefer that it weren't so.

Most women don't know what they want. And yes, men are capable of understanding what women want and women aren't that hard to figure out. I'm not saying that men in general know better, only that if men want to figure out women, there are other ways to learn to understand them and women are not the correct source of information for this unless you learn to read what they do, not what they say.

Do you want to know why there are hundreds of thousands of books on feminism? Because women are still trying to figure themselves out.

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