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War of the Genders

A confrontational soapbox for rants and politically incorrect manifestos regarding feminism, chauvinism, dating and gender issues.

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Location: Jerusalem, Israel

This isn't a dating site. If you wish to propose marriage or to beat me up, leave me a note.

Sunday, November 14, 2004

I Want Your Body

You know what superficial means? That's what the other person is when they don't find you attractive.

But seriously, people, as always, go to extremes. There are plenty of guys who grab girls based only on their looks, only to find a slut clawing at their wallets after a while; and there are girls who try to force relationships based on 'deeper' attractions (or other influences), only to find their bodies mysteriously unresponsive in bed.

I've talked to people of both genders who feel guilty for having physical criteria, I've seen accusations fly when members of the opposite sex are disqualified for their looks, and I've also seen dumped dates due to small breasts, bad eating habits or ugly clothes. And in my experience, it's only the less pretty girls who fling these accusations. You don't see girls complain while men fall at their feet.

So on the one hand, some criteria can be truly ridiculous. On the other hand, chemistry is important. Chemistry, or attractiveness, is a critical mechanism that allows a couple to overlook many things and get together without getting on each other's nerves after a while. And chemistry has to include physical attraction.

Of course there's love as well but I'm talking at a very basic level here. And that's the keyword here: basic.

Any shrink can tell you that if you neglect your physical needs, you become neurotic. Why are people so afraid to disqualify their date for fear of being labeled superficial? And why can't one refuse a second date without most people shifting either into what's-wrong-with-me mode or blaming the other person for 'losing the best thing they ever had'?

But more importantly, we are part mind/soul, part body. Ideally, you would have criteria for both, some important, some not so important. I may disqualify someone based on looks, but I also get turned off by many beautiful girls for several reasons. Sometimes you can keep trying in case the chemistry is taking its time to apear, and sometimes you just know it will never get there.

The good news is that there are different strokes for different folks. There is someone for everyone. Someone doesn't find you attractive? Move on!

I'm not trying to spout some feel-good nonsense here. If you consistently get dumped then you'd better start worrying that it's you. But in an ideal world, one person could say to the other 'I don't find you attractive' and neither of them would take it personally.

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