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War of the Genders

A confrontational soapbox for rants and politically incorrect manifestos regarding feminism, chauvinism, dating and gender issues.

Sunday, December 26, 2004

Masculinity 101

It is extremely rare to find a woman that empathizes with or understands the male psyche. In my opinion, this is either because the woman sees men as inferior and therefore doesn't bother sympathizing with 'immature' or confusingly alien male characteristics, or it's because women are generally self-centered.

It's not as if women lack sensitivity or understanding of human nature - they just don't seem to be trying. It's always the job of men to understand women.

Obviously, this will raise harsh protests. The first typical reaction would be 'all men I know don't bother understanding their women and are only there for themselves, so what are you talking about?'. This reaction only proves my point though.

The trickier counter-argument is that women are obviously constantly demanding consideration for other people's feelings and are sacrificing their needs, while men are usually selfish jerks. However, this is not the kind of selfishness I'm talking about.

The fact is, I find that most women are very considerate and sensitive, but only when it involves something that bothers them or a pain they are acquainted with. In other words, everything revolves around their feelings. Abstract notions about unknown feelings are irrelevant, and male reactions are always measured with a female ruler.

Since this is tricky, I'll repeat: Women generally only consider other people's feelings when the feelings are female or personally familiar. I can sometimes explain to women that male egos are hurt by certain things and get co-operation, but when I get into things like the vastly different male attitude towards sex or the need to conquer and discover, I only get impatience.

I even wonder whether females are so sensitive, that their considerations for others can only come from their own pain. Is it possible that only men are capable of being considerate out of logic whether they can empathize with the pain or not?

But lets leave this interesting discussion aside for now and try to help you frustrated women. I recently realized to my surprise that some of you may not be aware of even basic drives in men. Like I said before, the reason for this is because you always make the mistake of judging male behaviour with female rules. Since many of you women are beginners, let's start with a few basics:

First there is sex. It has been said so many times that men can have sex detached from their feelings, that they can even have sex with women they aren't attracted to, and that they can cheat but still love someone else, that I think it's finally starting to catch on. As a joke, I usually describe this as 'women need sex to be special, men think sex is special'.

What I don't understand is why men are made to feel guilty for this characteristic of theirs. I'm not saying it's acceptable for men to sleep around or that men shouldn't work hard to make their women feel special in bed. What bothers me is that just because they don't have female needs to make it romantic and emotional, they are labeled all kinds of nasty things. Sex indeed needs to be made special, but candles and sweet nothings are not what elevates sex. Those are just for the women.

Secondly, there is the male urge to have sex as fast and as often as possible, with as many women as possible. There are many reasons for this. There is the aggressive male need to conquer, the genetic need to procreate, and the fact that the sexual urges in the male are usually unfettered by the need to make the sex special. But most damaging is a social pressure which women tend to ignore:

Do you have any idea what kind of teases, stereotypes, insults, abuse and pressures follow the male who does not get laid regularly? Teenagers are brainwashed and their masculinity is constantly at stake until they learn (if ever) that you can abstain or be deprived of sex and still be cool.

This in itself should explain all kinds of behaviour. Men have to invent stories, boast, conquer and share stories with friends. They get desperate and do bad things, or some just give in and declare their loser status openly. Don't you find it strange when men declare these things publicly like an alcoholic at an AA meeting?

Thirdly, imagine that you had to do all the seduction and wooing and you had to work at getting the guy in bed for weeks, months or years. How would you behave when you finally succeeded? Wouldn't sympathizing with this simple obvious fact explain some male behaviour?

Fourthly, there is pornography. I think everyone knows by now that men are stimulated visually (whatever that means) and that is why they enjoy porn a lot more. What I don't think people realize is that men fantasize about easy women because nowadays women control sex, not the other way around. If women had to beg for sex, they would be fantasizing about easy men.

Fifthly, there is the general scorn towards men who fall for neurotic pretty girls. Let me tell you a secret: Men need to give. They need to feel useful, they feel stronger by giving, and no matter how hardened the man, watch his face and proud posture when he realizes he made his girl happy. This, of course, assumes the woman knows how to take - but that is a topic for another day.

I'm not saying this is always purely altruistic. There is also a macho thing here as well as genetics that tell the man to protect his mate. But this is the source of 'damsels in distress'. And what better damsel in distress than a needy, pretty girl.

We men are attracted to women with problems not because they are neurotic or because we ignore everything when it comes to a pretty girl, but because we feel we can help and save the girl, which also fulfills our primitive male instincts. Why does she have to be pretty? Well, that's obvious.

Why does she have to be neurotic? Well frankly, most women nowadays are either neurotically needy, or demanding bitches, or self-sufficient independent feminists. Since only the first type offers the male what he wants, they're primary targets.

Of course, depending on the girl, guy and nature of the problem, this can bring out the best in the man or it can bring out his primitive animalistic side, or it can become an unhealthy dependent relationship.

Now, obviously, all of these male characteristics are superficial or basic but we have to start somewhere and like I said, I found out women don't know about them. For more, try this entry. I suggest you stop being so exclusively obsessed with your femininity and start learning about alien cultures (and try not to make fun of them). Believe me, it'll save you a lot of headaches and pain

Perhaps you can sign up for some Masculinity classes at your local university. Yes, I know they don't have any. I wonder why...



I find this very harsh. I don't consider myself a needy neurotic woman, nor an independent one, although I have been prior to meeting my partner - who is eighteen years my senior, divorced and with a child...

To say most women fall into this category is offensive, perhaps I am being overly sensitive or protective of my gender but this is the way I see it.

Do men like to be pooled as one? Generalised and deemed to have the same unsavoury characteristics? I think not. I do not agree to Feminism in it's contemporary extremism, I do think things have to be changed to adjust gender politics, this including changing the Family Law System which treats men very unfarily.

I do think that people need to treat others, regardless whether female/male, how they would like to be treated themselves.

PS - perhaps you would like to do a blog on what is happening in Guatemala.

November 18, 2005 1:03 am  

Well I specified three categories that cover the overall range of neediness in women: 'Needy neurotic' means they need help but have unspecificied psychological problems, 'demanding bitches' means they are greedy and unsavory creatures, and 'independent' means they think they don't need a man in their life.

It's like categorizing things under tiny, small, big or huge. This isn't harsh, only a practical simplification.

Of course one can argue that there is also the category 'medium' or 'balanced' but I'm afraid my personal experience has shown me that this a very desolate country these days as far as women are concerned.

My argument was simply to show that since the choice is usually between needy neurotic or the other two, the needy neurotic wins.

I think back to all the women I met in the past few years and I can think of perhaps two or three that have that balance of accepting help graciously without being neurotic about it.

November 18, 2005 3:32 am  

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