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War of the Genders

A confrontational soapbox for rants and politically incorrect manifestos regarding feminism, chauvinism, dating and gender issues.

Sunday, September 19, 2004


Today I shall attempt to tackle a tricky word: Modesty.

Just the word itself is enough to raise quizzical eyebrows and threaten to automatically label me a closed-minded prude, an old-fashioned fool. But you are all modest prudes at heart without even knowing it. Let me explain:

First of all, have you ever stopped to figure out what exactly is wrong with infidelity? A man has a fling with a waitress, he comes home to his wife whom he still loves, he stays with his family, makes love to his wife... exactly what did he do wrong? Why such intense feelings when a cheating spouse is discovered?

Don't give me pat answers like dishonesty & trust, lack of commitment, marriage vows, etc. If he had told the truth before and after, it would still bother you, and no commitments have been broken either. Why these feelings of betrayal and cheapness? What exactly did he betray? Why is an unfaithful woman an instant slut? Why can't you go to bed with a spouse who has cheated on you? Take a minute...

Before we get to the answer, I want to discuss an even quainter word that is guaranteed to make you scoff: Holiness. The source definition of the word actually isn't mystical or even 'spiritual'. The meaning of the word is simply: something that is made exclusive for a specific purpose. If a woman dedicates herself exclusively to a man, she is holy. If a basket of fruits is set aside for God, it is holy. And on the other side of the coin, if a prostitute dedicates herself to sex, she is holy as well (but in a perverse way). I'm not making this up, read the original bible.

What's the connection? Modesty is the prerequisite. It is the ability to keep intimate things private, to keep private things hidden, and to expose only what is necessary in the appropriate circumstances so that it is made special, dedicated, and reserved. Intimacy, privacy, exclusivity, holiness, or however you want to call it, is what gives things power. Any person serious about witchcraft knows that to reveal a spell is to dispel its power.

Modesty does not only apply to women who wear see-through dresses, but also to men, to family matters, to sexual tastes, to all private and intimate things, to matters between friends, to attention grabbers, etc. Jerry Springer doesn't feel nasty because of the subject matter, but because of the slutty way in which they reveal their secrets and private lives on TV.

When a woman has an affair, her sex becomes cheap, non-exclusive, immodest, unholy, impotent, and therefore unwanted. When a woman goes out in a revealing dress and the husband becomes jealous, it is for a good reason, no matter how over-possessive or irrational he seems. When a man reveals his sexual habits to his friend and his wife feels betrayed and angry, it is also for the same reason.

Indeed, you all want holiness in your lives and didn't even know it. It is, after all, very basic.

In addition, modesty is what makes things more valued, more exciting, more sexy. You can praise mini-skirts and tight outfits all you like, but the fact remains that you would find it infinitely more exciting to undress a prude.

There was this orthodox Jew on a bus one day. When a girl in a mini-skirt sat down next to him he immediately moved to another seat. The guys on the bus laughed at him for his over-sensitivity and inability to handle a semi-naked girl. He told them 'you are blind men who boast that they can look at the sun'.

Modesty is the one chance you have to keep sex exciting after 30 years of marriage. Modesty is what makes your wife's thigh and your husband's chest special. If the whole world sees it, or even if you see it day after day, then what's the big deal? It has lost its power.

If you think about it, you'll find that the only difference between wearing a mini-skirt and cheating on your husband is quantitative, not qualitative. You're just not sensitive anymore. You lost your power and made everyone blind.

The next logical step is that sex won't be so exciting anymore, and cheating will be socially acceptable. Sound familiar?

What a waste. We could have had so much fun.



Yes that's why this whole subject is tricky. I mean, why should anyone care? And how can I tell someone that he doesn't know what he's missing and in order to find out, all he has to do is change his whole lifestyle.This approach is so fundamentally diametrical to common practice that talking about it is almost pointless.

Fortunately however, even little changes can add power.

September 19, 2004 3:00 pm  

My question to you is...why can't the woman than cheat...and expect the man to take it - if she behaves lovingly when she returns to the nest?

This to me, is a double standard!

Why should a woman have to tolerated her man's philandering, if a man cannot accept the same in the woman?

November 18, 2005 12:48 am  

Where did I ever say that cheating should be accepted or tolerated? What double standard? Are you commenting on the wrong article?

November 18, 2005 3:05 am  

Anonymous's comments, who obviously misread the post, actually has some connection to the post. I shall attepmt to clarify:

Poligamy: Why is it acceptable for a man to have several wives but not for a woman to have husbands? Even if society at large does not tolerate polygamy, its practice is nontheless understood by the very people who do not condone it. On the other hand, where is it ever acceptable for a woman to have more than one male partner outside of porno video?

We talk about equality, equal rights, etc. but we remain laregely patriarchical on a global level, and therein lays double standard.

Baron, in your own post you said that a woman who cheats is a slut. Why can not the same be said of a man who cheats? True, if we were to hold to a higher standard of modesty, people would better appreciate and care for the relationship, and divorce rates would plumet, yet you can not deny that the double standard exists.

Ok. this is rant, and has nothing to do with the post, but it still pisses me off.

October 25, 2007 2:16 pm  

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