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War of the Genders

A confrontational soapbox for rants and politically incorrect manifestos regarding feminism, chauvinism, dating and gender issues.

Tuesday, September 28, 2004

My Sin is Better than Yours

It is a common claim that when men cheat it is less significant than when women do it. That men do it superficially for thrills while women give more of themselves when they cheat. This claim says that although neither is condoned, there is a qualitative difference between an unfaithful man and an unfaithful woman.

I can prove it. When most women do it they blame their husbands for lack of emotional support. When most men do it, it's just a cheap thrill no matter what their wives are like. In other words when women cheat they look for much more than just sex. Up until now I thought it was just hypocrisy but thanks to women grumbling, I now have proof.

So at first sight, when women do it, they're much worse.

Then again, who's to say what's worse? A man who doesn't value sex in the first place, or a woman who gives her intimacies and emotions to someone besides her husband?

It's actually quite a brilliant move, wouldn't you say? Instead of feeling guilty, we just declare our sex as meaningless and have fun.

Of course, you women could always try to be equal to men and devalue sex and have meaningless flings, but somehow I don't think you'll find it as easy, or be able to keep it up for too long. If I'm wrong, then we're a lot worse off than I thought.



Dear Baron,
You wrote: “It is a common claim that when men cheat it is less significant that when women do it”. Well, I am not sure in what circles it is an exactly a “common claim” because until now, I’ve never heard such a claim in my life. I’m also pretty sure every woman that would be asked would say that that is complete rubbish. If a husband cheats it is significant. If a woman cheats it is significant. No spouse wants to be cheated on, period.
Then you say:” men do it superficially for thrills while women give more of themselves when they cheat”. So first of all, I know plenty of girls that cheat just for thrills. But, say it were true. Say if a woman cheats it’s because she really really likes the guy. She takes the risk of harming her current relationship and cheats. A guy on the other hand, you claim, will cheat just for a cheap thrill. So both the woman and the man are risking their relationships with their current spouses, only one is doing it for something that really means something to them and the other is doing it for nothing.
He really sold out his relationship for cheap, didn’t he.

So is putting a marrige at risk for something significante less moarl then putting a marriage at risk for something unsignifficant ???

April 23, 2005 1:41 am  

Dear anonymous,

I suppose you're right that in certain circles this claim isn't popular, but on the other hand, this claim is not always spelled out in the form I presented it. It's basically a double-standard in society regarding the attitude towards cheating men versus cheating women. Sometimes it exists in attitudes (e.g. men talk about cheating but as soon as they find out how their wives cheat, they think it's the end of the world.) And sometimes it simply exists in the way men defend their adventures in infidelity (e.g. 'it didn't mean anything!'). You may say it's only hypocrisy but I believe it's a general attitude in society that is based on a certain rationale. And this rationale is what I tried to explain here.

As to the rest of your comment, you basically confirmed and repeated what I wrote. See, from one point of view, if a man cheats with a girl he barely likes, then he obviously isn't giving away more than just his sex and is out for a cheap thrill. If a woman cheats because she needs emotional support or because she loves the guy, then she is giving away her heart in addition to her sex. And that makes it more serious.

But, like I said, from another point of view, giving away sex for cheap is not better than giving it away for something important and like you said, he is risking a marriage for a cheap thrill. But we must be careful with this rationale because emotional support doesn't necessarily make it any more important. It only makes it more important for her.

In summary, there are arguments for both sides and I am definitely not condoning men that cheat. However, I and many men would find it a lot more painful if their love gave away her heart (and not only their bodies) to someone else. Since this is what most women do when they cheat, it is understandable that there is a 'double-standard' in society.

April 26, 2005 12:33 pm  

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