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War of the Genders

A confrontational soapbox for rants and politically incorrect manifestos regarding feminism, chauvinism, dating and gender issues.

Monday, August 23, 2004

The Goldilocks Syndrome

Lets talk about performance in bed. You know what ladies? You got men so upset, you either have them whimpering in a corner, enraged, or you made them into gentle puppies. Are you happy now?

Too insensitive; too gentle; too pushy; too unconfident; too slow; too fast; too cold; too hot. Yes, we idiotic men never get it just right, I agree.

The other day I was talking to this lady who wished for a bastard. 'You really want a bastard?', I ask. After some digging it turns out she wants a 'loving bastard'. You know what? I understand her and know exactly what she means - it's a nice fantasy. But pardon me while I laugh out loud.

The ironic thing is that if you ladies only knew how critically men judge your bodies, you would never sleep with one again. And this is where men taste their soups and sit in unsatisfyingly different chairs as well: The man's 'loving bastard' is the fantastical 'demure porn star'.

What do you say we relax, have fun, and make fun of Goldilocks for a change?



Yeah, let's talk about performance in bed. You know what gentlemen? You got women so upset, you either have them parllized with insecurity, extremely hurt, or you made them into submissive dolls with no personality. Are you happy now?

The ironic thing is that we know exactly how criticially men judge our bodies. And not only handsome men. You guys don't have to say a word. We notice your looks. We sense the disappointment in the way you touch us, in every move you make, and more so, in every move you don't make.

Getting a woman to relax in bed and/or stop giving orders requires sensitivity, something that most men don't seem to possess. You want to relax? Fine. Maybe when you stop treating us like defective creatures or second-degree women just because we don't like like Heidi Klumm.

Until then, it's too slow. Way too slow.

August 25, 2004 2:01 pm  

To Loreley: I agree with most of what you said. But in my rant I blamed both genders for having unrealistic fantasies, you just ranted against men and stated that men have to make the first move in order for anyone to relax.

If everyone waits for the other side to change, nothing will happen.

Also we must take into account that both men and women may feel tense in bed because of their OWN insecurities which they may be projecting on their sex partner's actions.

The bottom line however is that:
1. Yes, men resent that their women don't look like Heidi Klumm but they are happy to get sex and be with their girl anyways.
2. Yes, women resent that their men aren't the best lovers but they are happy to be with their man anyways.

If neither of the above is true then you are having sex with the wrong person.

My point was that both genders need to face these truths and be able to laugh about it instead of bitching and moaning or getting all tense in bed.

August 25, 2004 9:52 pm  

Relaxing and having fun won't get me an orgasm.

August 28, 2004 1:28 am  

Baron and Loreley,
I do believe that the two of you are soulmates! Baron, after reading several of your "rants" I noticed that Loreley has something to say about pretty much all of them. I also noticed that both of you are in the same general age bracket, and that you both live in Israel (hmmm, a nice Jewish boy and a nice Jewish girl, I presume?) It might just be my romantic matchmaker of a heart, but I really do believe that you are one another's bashert! What a feisty couple you would be! Do keep us all informed if the two of you decide to meet and marry. Love and Blessings!

August 18, 2007 2:38 pm  

To the anonymous matchmaker: I noticed that you and the previous commenter both like to post anonymously, both like gender issues and presumably both like orgasms. I believe you are soulmates! Let us know how it turns out...

August 18, 2007 4:02 pm  

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