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War of the Genders

A confrontational soapbox for rants and politically incorrect manifestos regarding feminism, chauvinism, dating and gender issues.

Monday, August 23, 2004

A Challenge for the Ladies

This is going to sound stupid at first.

Here's a challenge for you: Teach men how to be men. You keep complaining about men being horrible, ignoble, cowardly, beastly and weak, and you want some meaningful power in your relationship? So do something about it!

You tried to no avail? I sympathize. But perhaps you aren't doing it right? Or maybe you are wasting your time with the wrong men? Or maybe you need a kick in the butt to reconsider how you are going about it. Pardon for the ungentlemanly kick but you wanted to be equal.

How can this be done? Sorry, my hands would fall off while typing that one out. Suffice it to say it does not involve bitching and nagging and it needs as criteria: love, marriage and commitment. Stop changing their wardrobe and furniture and try some inspiration. If you have men wrapped around your finger, what do you do with this power? Stand by your morals and values, be inspiring, and the good men will follow.

Wait a minute... you do have absolute values that would inspire a man, right? I mean, did you think your man would come pre-packaged with all his morals intact and that you only have to sit there and be cuddled? What does that make you, you useless creature?

I'm not saying only women have to inspire and work on their relationship; far from it. Very far from it. But for now I'm focusing on challenging your whining, passive atittudes. Like I said earlier, men are partly to blame for being such empty ignoble jerks and failing as leaders. If you have given up on men and finally find some meaning in your career and hobbies, then I sympathize and I wish you good luck. But it's a sad state of affairs.

Your existence doesn't depend on men? Oh, please! First of all, I never said it does. Second of all, if men are so insignificant, why do you talk about them all the time?

I know that most people don't change and that it's dangerous to go into a relationship planning to change someone. But I'm not talking about changing, I'm talking about bringing out the best in them. That's up to you.

Are you powerful enough to do it?



Teaching men how to be men, inspiring them, bring out the best in them, making them positively rather than beastly powerful - is a work that comes out of respect. A woman doesn't need to be powerful to get the job done. She has to be respectful. She has to have enough respect for the man in her life to want to do it. And here is the crux of the problem: as a species, men lost women's respect long time ago. Individually, some may win it, but most would only aggravate the situation.

To inspire a man, a woman has to have a source of inspiration. Here, you are absolutely right when you talk about criteria, values and morals. A woman can't give unless she has something to give. She can't bring the best out of someone without the appropriate tools. This equation, however, has another side. I'm not talking about the fact that men have to work on the relationship too. I'm talking about men's attitude to the work of women.

Let's consider John Doe, a typical good and nice guy, who isn't too horrible, cowardly, beastly or weak. He actually cares about his girlfriend. He makes love to her every day,
but has no ideas that she never enjoyed it. He asks her how her day was, but never waits for an answer. When he does listen, he tells her to stop whining like a girl and stand up for herself. Then when friends come to visit he elaborates on how women handle situations all wrong. He tells everybody that she is the best girlfriend ever, but at home, when it's just the two of them she just isn't sure. A careless word here, a dubious look there. John's girlfriend uses all she has to teach him to be a man. He uses that power against her. He doesn't realize it, of course. Little by little, John's girlfriend starts losing respect towards him. She still loves John very much, but she doesn't recognize anything solid in him that is worth her respect has a woman. She could work harder to bring the best out of him, but in the process she will lose too much. Is it really worth it?

The female cauldron of inspiration must be constantly nurtured. What comes out of it must be replaced with something else: feeling appreciated, respected, loved, first priority. It must be nurtured with sensitivity, care and thought. A woman who is constatnly offended by the minor things even a good man does thoughtlessly will not want to work on anything. Her source of inspiration will eventually dry out, or close up. Her morals, values and commitment will leave a stale taste in her mouth. She won't be bitter, or hateful. She will just not give what she has. She won't work hard. She will direct her inspiration to her children. Have you ever wondered why many men feel neglected after the children are born? Suddenly women find that they can bring the best out of somebody who is actually worth it, who is actually giving something back, who is actually nurturing their source of giving, making it infinite.

Why give power to men if it goes to waste, or worse, turns against you?

A man who would call me a "useless creature" even once will lose all the respect he gained in months, or even years. A man who would use my support, morals and values to grow - and wouldn't give anything back - will turn me cold and apathetic. Inspiring manhood cannot happen when all a woman feels is contempt.

October 01, 2004 3:59 pm  

So what are you saying, that most men don't know how to develop an attitude or relationship with their wives to allow such things to happen? So what else is new? Like I said, it's not one-sided and men are partly to blame. Nobody said it would be easy. And if it's impossible, then you're with the wrong man.

But shifting the blame doesn't change the fact that most women are simply not inspiring. Power and respect aren't exclusive; both are needed.

October 01, 2004 7:22 pm  

i say... each person may be man or woman cannot predict when he or she will be inspired. He or She will get a great inspiration until the right person ( not meant to be a perfect person ) comes along. And everytime the right person comes, he or she tend to humble him or herself in front of the man who inspired him or her to live life to the fullest. Even the most crazy fool individual when the right inspiration comes, he or she tend to change smoothly..not even felt anyone to force him or her to change for the better. I believe the true magic of love roots it all...the respect, the value, the appreciation, the love.AND! most of the time an inspired man or woman tend to sacrifice him or herself for the sake of showing the right person how much he is loved and valued. Debates on whose much powerful ....is endless...but to realize that both man and women experience the same in the eyes of love. God bless all and believe in the power of love. Marie ( rmariecp@yahoo.com )

September 25, 2005 5:57 pm  

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